| Jul. 29th, 2007 @ 07:20 pm Funny Innit? |
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It's funny how your ideas about yourself change, isn't it? I've had one of t hose moments today. For several years now I have been unsure about a lot of things, but there is one thing I have been constant on: I don't want to get married. That attitude has just been a bi-product of a lifetime of watching failed relationships and the problems that come along with them and my very modern views of women and the roles we play.
My grandmother, God rest her, always tried to stress to me that it is a woman's responsibility to get married, have children and devote herself to the things that come along with that. She firmly believed that housework and children were the very first priority a woman can have. My grandfather was a sailor and she raised three kids and worked two jobs during the time that he was away and so naturally I can empathize with her point of view. And I have absolutely nothing against women who aspire to be or just end up being what I call Working Housewives. But I realized early on that I did not and do not aspire to that goal. I strongly admire a woman who holds a job, raises kids and manages to keep up a house and a marriage. That's just not what I wanted.
I am sure that my feminist views developed because I was raised by my dad. Although I helped, I watched my father cook, clean house, do laundry, clean up after my brother and me and work 60 hours a week. So I figured that if my dad, who is a man, can do all these things then the idea that it is a woman's job is just an outdated belief. My Nana and I always argued about that point.
Over the last few weeks I've begun to think about my future. I still by no means want to be a traditional house wife but as I have cooked and cleaned for myself (and at my friend's house) I started to re-evaluate things. When my mind wanders I can see myself cooking for a houseful of people, kids, a husband maybe. I can see myself delegating to my children the ideas I formed by myself of how I would raise them if I ever had them. I've kind of warmed to the idea of picnics and playdates, baseball games and girl scout meetings... in a figurative sense, of course, because I wouldn't force my children into any of that stuff.
It all just got me to thinking: maybe I do want to get married and have a few kids. Maybe I want to build the house of my dreams that comes from plans that sit collecting dust in a memory box from my childhood.
Maybe I really do want to grow up. Funny, innit? |
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